The Important Role of Religion & Spirituality in Coping as a Caregiver
Feeling sad or grieving that a loved one is ill, frail, or dying is a normal human response. Humans have feelings. We express them.
But often, when we're called on to face a stark reality, we find ourselves not prepared. Illness, frailty, death - natural life occurrences upend the order in our lives.
Animal, birds, fish, plants, and humans – are birthed, sustained, and die. Science tells us that is true. However, we don't believe it or live it. We suffer, worry, and agonize when someone is ill or dying.
We want events to go our way. We're upset we can't control the situation, angry we can't change it, and fearful we're losing a person we love.
Our view of these natural occurrences falls from objectivity. Our attachment to illogical beliefs leads to subjectivity.
You may find yourself coping with – your reaction to the situation, not the situation itself.
As I said, it's pretty normal to feel sad and grieve. But you're having trouble coping with your response. You may find yourself depressed, hiding your feelings, or unable to control your emotions.
You find yourself unprepared to face your reactions.
You find that you need a coping strategy to help you cope with your reaction, not a coping strategy for the person's illness.
Think of your feelings as an information delivery app.
Whatever arises is telling you something about yourself. If you can recognize what the feeling is telling you about yourself, face it, feel it, own it, and let it out – there will be nothing you have to cope with. Let it fester; you might have a lot of unwarranted coping in front of you. You might seek help.
When someone we love falls ill or becomes frail or nears death, we want to change the trajectory of their life. We want to control the outcome. Even though we know illness, frailty, and death are natural life consequences; we want to impose our will to change the scenario.
I found three viewpoints that helped me address my subjectivity in these situations.
1. Acknowledge that there is much in life beyond your control.
2. Acknowledge that the path of another's life is beyond your understanding.
3. Acknowledge that there is an order to the universe beyond your knowledge.
If we can end our inability to surrender to the reality in front of us, we may find a closer connection to the truths of religion and spirituality. We may find more peace and love than we've been able to imagine. There will be nothing we have to cope with. We will be awake and present caregivers.
If you’re a caregiver having difficulty in this role, feeling alone, frustrated and tired with no peers to share your experiences, on a rollercoaster ride of doctor calls and appointments, bouncing between good news and bad news, having more questions than answers, suffering as you’ve seen others suffer, having tried what everyone has said to try but to no avail, then you may be ready for a fundamentally different approach.
