Helpful Tips & Approaches for Dealing with Alzheimer’s as a Caregiver
Perhaps the only blessing from Alzheimer’s is that the person suffering has no memory of what is being lost. A poor blessing at that. But watching your loved one’s progression through Alzheimer’s can be quite painful.
Let’s look at what you can do to ease your journey.
If you’re willing to recognize that caregiving is a transformational opportunity instead of an interruption in your life; if you’re willing to accept what you cannot change and focus on changing what you can; and if you’re willing to face your feelings head on, then these tips may ease your journey.
What the universe offers may be pleasant or unpleasant, seen or unseen. Either way, and this is very important to remember, you have choices about how you choose to respond.
Let me tell you what I did.
First, I made a conscious decision to look deep into myself.
Before I could change how I approached caregiving, I needed to understand the reactions I had to being a caregiver. I needed to understand the messages my feelings were conveying. So, I surrendered to my feelings, felt them all and learned from them.
Instead of intellectualizing them or running from them, I let the feelings arise. Feelings are neither good nor bad. Feelings are signals. Some reflecting happiness. Some acting as a warning. Others highlighting pain points. The feelings and thoughts that arose were just reflections of me alone. There was no one to blame.
This was difficult at first. I wanted to blame the disease for how I felt, blame God, blame the field of medicine for not having an answer, blame the doctors, blame the difficulty of scheduling appointments, blame the traffic and weather. My world revolved around frustrations and anger and anxiety because nothing would conform to what I wanted.
So, I asked myself, “What is it that I’m not accepting?” Am I not accepting those things that are out of my control – those things that I can’t change?
Am I angry and frustrated because my courage wans when I try to change what is in my control?
Your challenge is to understand the attitudes you bring to caregiving.
TIP #1 – take responsibility for your feelings
TIP #2 – have the courage to look inward
Second, I made a conscious decision to face my fears so that I could deeply embrace my wife.
At first, I didn’t want to embrace caregiving. I held it at arm’s length. I felt scared seeing the changes happening in my wife. I felt unhappy with what I had to do to care for my wife. I felt uncomfortable telling people what was going on in my life of caregiving. I felt ashamed that this was happening to me. But, and this is a big BUT, the further away I pushed caregiving, the more distance I put between myself and my wife. When I embraced caregiving, I could fully embrace my wife in every stage of her journey. She was happier, and so was I.
TIP #3 – practice seeing the person in your care as not ill or deficient
TIP #4 – practice listening to the person in your care
Third, I made a conscious decision to stop running from caregiving.
I thought caregiving was a detour, something that I didn’t have to commit to. Something I didn’t have to put my heart into. But I felt miserable holding that attitude. When I committed to caregiving, all the mental running around ceased. I was present for the experience. I felt content with myself and could express all the love I felt for my wife. My heart was engaged and my mind quieted.
TIP #5 – stop trying to be in 2 places at once
TIP #6 – remember that you can never be off the path of your life’s journey
Fourth, I made a conscious decision to acknowledge a higher power, a limitless source greater than myself.
Prayer helped me see that I wasn’t in control of my wife’s journey, nor the disease traveling through her brain, nor most things in life. By letting go of what I was not in control of, I could focus on what was in my control. And that was to love my wife, fully and completely.
TIP #7 – without anxiety, complaining or worrying accept what is out of your control
TIP #8 – let love guide your decision-making
Caregiving is never easy. But there are tips and approaches that may help. Practice incorporating any of these tips into your journey and you may find, as I did, an easier caregiving journey.
If you’re a caregiver having difficulty in this role, feeling alone, frustrated and tired with no peers to share your experiences, on a rollercoaster ride of doctor calls and appointments, bouncing between good news and bad news, having more questions than answers, suffering as you’ve seen others suffer, having tried what everyone has said to try but to no avail, then you may be ready for a fundamentally different approach.
